I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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