did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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