im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize