I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
