that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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