Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
