I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
