you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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