are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
