Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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