But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
