Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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