I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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