I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
