Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I want is dick and wine.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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