God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
