i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
