Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
