it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Go christen that room with your naked body.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
