Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
