You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
