It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My life is pants optional.
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