If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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