my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize