I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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