I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
