Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize