You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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