i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
