Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
