2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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