Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Please, let me fuck your mom
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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