Pappa wants mamma naked
I think my vagina is haunted
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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