East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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