Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize