I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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