Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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