What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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