shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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