WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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