So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My vagina is very pro this idea
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
