My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
