Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
