dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
