Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
