Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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