Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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