We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
