U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
