Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
