is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize