I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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