It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize