The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
