so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
