i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
