All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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