i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
