i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
