i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
