when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You are the jesus of drinking
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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