Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
