Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i dont even know how to be here
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
