RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
