forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
