You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Pants are for mortals
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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