There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize